I feel...

...like I don't know what to do while I've got plenty of things that I could do.
...like nobody ever reads my blog (which is probably a fact instead of a feeling)
... that God is helping me in times of need
... like every non-christian I know thinks I'm weird when it comes to my 'view on life'
... like some people say they like me, but they don't
I know... there are some people who mean what they say... I know that...
I feel... that the closer I come to God, the heavier the warfare gets
... sick. Pain in my legs, pain in my back, pain in my head.
... I want to fight for God no matter what
... I don't know what to feel! There are just so many thoughts running through my mind and I really want to focus on God, but I can't! Every time I try to go to God, to talk to Him and praise Him, it feels like I'm being dragged away from it...

I already typed something new and backspaced it again for like 10 times now, I came to the conclusion that I could describe everything that's holding me back from God or everything that's not going as I want it to, but the fact is: I need prayer and I need to pray myself. I need God. And the other side can do everything to make me believe that I cannot go to God and that I don't have time to pray or whatever, it's just not true. I have to fix my eyes on Jesus and not on everydays' problems, because that's 'the world' and God is standing above that, waiting for me with His arms wide open... Hmmz... that sounds good, hehe. I'm such a whiner!

I hope my next blogs will be a little bit more hopeful and happy and "Hallelujah, God saves!!".
I'm sure they will be ;-).
That's it for now, love you all (and by "all" I mean: all those thousands of people who read my blog of course).