and... I'm back again

What a week, what a week.

It was strange. On monday it was all about getting to know eachother a bit better and learning a bit more about Amsterdam, and it was nice, but at the end of the day I suddenly just had enough of it. I was tired, I didn't really met someone I could really talk with (christians!!) and I felt a bit "alone together"; I was with sooo many people, but still I felt alone... So I took the first bus to the place where I was staying for that week and just went straight to bed.

Well, the rest of the week wasn't really cool... it got better and I met two sweet girls with whom I hang out with most of the time, but the whole week was just about "sitting here, drinking something over there, eating here, doing nothing special in this area, doing nothing interesting over there..." Most of the people liked it and just had fun drinking a lot of beer and going to a party in the evenings, but I didn't really feel like doing that too!! I am proud to say that I didn't drink any alcoholic drinks during that week, although it was offered to me more than once.

But yeah... I keep telling myself that I will be ok and that I will like it in Amsterdam, but it's getting harder and harder to believe that. I enjoyed shopping in Amsterdam and just walking around, but that's it! The "funny" thing is, that I wasn't even on the list of students! They somehow made a mistake and didn't have a schedule for me yet!
Lord, is this a sign..?

I don't know... it's getting even weirder; I'm still getting money from people and I don't know from whom, but I have it here at home or on my bank account and I just don't know what to do with it!! I mean; why am I receiving this? I told everyone that I'm going to Amsterdam...

I would love to get on a plane now and fly to Portland immediately, but it's just impossible. And al those people from Uturn 2005 that are now screaming: "your mission is possible!" can scream as loud as they can... it just doesn't look like a mission that's possible at this moment.
So I am waiting and waiting and praying and praying. God will lead my way, but at the moment I feel like I can't see anything of the way that's in front of me.
And that's hard.

Well, you guys are up to date again ;-). I'm going now.
And er... thanks to the ones who gave me money... you are a bunch of crazy people!! :D