God on number one

"Don't you dare to talk to me, or I will cry. Don't you dare to point your finger at me or I will go mad." That's not what I felt like today, but it must have looked like that I think...

The combination of perfectionism and absolutely NO self-discipline sucks. I've been struggeling with it for years and still haven't found a solution. This is what happens in general: I've got to do something for school or whatever and I want to do it perfect. The prospect of doing a lot of work discourages me to actually begin working on it. So I put it off. The next thing I know, is that I've got a few days left to finish the work and I get all stressed out.

The point where I am at now, is that it is 2:00 AM and I'm still working on a paper for Dutch which I have to hand in tomorrow. Well actually, I already had to do that past monday. And next to this pressure, there is the fact that I've got an exam on thursday, which is a lot of learning I haven't done yet. So now I'm feeling stupid and when my dad just came into my room to tell me about all the things I am doing wrong, I kinda broke down. I just cried, but I cried out to God. I don't know how He does it, but I'm not crying anymore, hehe. I always ask God to help me to concentrate and learn me how to get some self-discipline. But He just wants me to focus on Him and everything will be alright. And it's something I'm beginning to understand.

I need to honor God in the things that I do
I need to take more time for God
Because God is the only one who can help me

Does that make sense? For me it does. God gives me strength and hope. He is my only security, so I would be very stupid if I putted Him on the second or third place in my life. I just love Him... He's gooood :D

Blessings,